This week has been flying by. In fact, I haven’t had a moment to take a picture of anything. Instead, I find myself tired and whooped. The weekend seems like it just happened, but it feels so far away. So, today, I’m thankful for two days – two days until the weekend and until I can catch a break.
Procrastination. That’s not a word I typically associate with myself, but it’s a word I’m learning reflects on me fairly well. And, I’m not the exception.
I’m one who lives by to-do lists. I get anxious when others don’t complete their tasks by certain times each day. As a child, I used to call my mom at lunch each day if my brother had not already completed his chores. Yes, I was that kid. I am still that type-A person.
But, when I reflected on myself and my own stress, I realized I have procrastinated on myself – not my tasks, but myself.
I read an article recently that focused on “what should you be learning now” to do what you want in the future. Who do you want to be? What do you want to be? When you know that, you should direct yourself in those directions. Your decisions should be based upon that.
I’m in the process of moving right now, which means cleansing time. I’ve moved a lot. In some ways, I hate it. It stresses me. I’m a pack rat so I have a ton of stuff. I love to craft so I never want to throw stuff away because I never know “when I could upcycle it in the future.” However, as I clean and pack, I go through each item and decide if it needs to stay with me on my next stage in my journey. A few days ago, I discovered a note I wrote to myself in 2009. And, it’s one of many that I have found over the course of 25 years that I have written. What remains constant is my love for art, nature, exercise and family. That’s why I feel stressed when I don’t get time for each of those.
I am diligent about doing art multiple times a week, but that still doesn’t feel like enough. I’ve wanted to merge art into my job for a while, but I realized that I’ve put it off. I’ve stopped taking classes to learn new things. I’ve stopped making it a priority. I put it aside so I could get through my week.
I was reactive. I was not purposeful.
When I look back on my life, I don’t want to ask “was that it?” Life needs to be purposeful. I don’t want my life to be a series of reactions to events. Rather, I want it to be about purpose – a purpose I set out to create.
So, starting January 1, I decided this year would be about finishing what I started.
What did I start?
- Books – countless books – I’ve started but have not finished
- Art projects – I do a lot of art, but I have also started a lot of art, been side-tracked by another art project and finished it instead. I was reactionary.
- Travel – I do travel, but there is more that I want to see
- Career – I want to set out to make art, exercise, and nature a priority – not something I find time for. I let this go.
- Writing – I’ve started many writing projects and have put them aside to finish something else. This year, I want to finish those things.
- Purchases – I get into buying habits around the holidays and I find it hard to break them. I want to spend less, save more. I want to use the items I have and use them in new ways.